Don’t Concern Yourself With That Book

Castor was smiling like I once did–like someone who had lost everything.

“Because I wasn’t given a choice like that, you see.”

The edges of the space were gradually bubbling away. After the space in front of me disappeared into bubbles as light as feathers, another space appeared before me.

I found myself in the middle of summer with the sun scorching down on us. I was in Amor’s room. Though the room looked unchanged, within stood Castor and Amor who looked older than they were before.

“Cough!”

A fit of coughs paralysed Amor. Blood stained his lips. His palms, duvets and tunic that were now stained with red were also covered in blood.

“You did something stupid.”

With another coughing fit, Amor threw up blood again before raising his head nonchalantly.

“You didn’t have to look at it like that.”

Even as he was coughing, his gaze remained lively which was evident of his temperament.

“I know that I’ll die if I run out of divinity.”

His eyes were bloodshot as he spoke. His cheeks and neck were also coloured red. However, as if he didn’t think much about Amor, Castor lifted his hand to wipe off the blood.

“It’s a side effect of being too powerful. The emperor would require that much more from you.”

Hernan, who was standing next to Castor, hugged his sword as he watched the other two. It was nice to see his blue eyes after so long and after a while, I followed his line of sight.

“… My prince.”

As his blue eyes turned to Amor, he looked momentarily apologetic.

“Please come over”

Turning around, Amor ignored the other two before taking the medicine he had been holding. As if it was a necessary step in taking the medicine, he contorted in pain. The daily deed of taking his antidote pained him. He had endured this hellish pain for over a decade. I closed my eyes gently.

“Amor… you.”

He had been enduring this pain this whole time. I was agonised for being unable to do anything during his past–of which I could only bring myself to imagine what he had been through.

“…. When I return.”

I wanted to give him a big hug. I needed to… That was when I decided.

“Come back.”

HIs voice sounded like a dream. With the feeling of being grabbed by an invisible hand and yanked back, I was woken from the visions. When I opened my eyes, I felt something cool on my forehead and the first thing I saw were sky-coloured threads cascading above me.

“Did you enjoy the show?”

Amor was looking down at me,

“They weren’t memories I am necessarily fond of.”

Embracing me tightly, he smiled by only pulling the corners of his lips.

“I couldn’t control it.”

He explained that the moment I approached, he lost control of his powers. A little while ago, while he was being detoxified, a huge amount of divinity had been released from him. I looked up to face his wary expression.

“Was it that bad?”

“Well.”

I brought my hand to his head.

“Rather than thinking it was bad, I just thought you must have really been suffering from your sickness this whole time.”

How pitiful. I tucked the strands of hair that fell past his shoulders behind his ears. I narrowed my eyes slightly at the rough yet gentle feeling on my fingertips. With his head lowered, he looked at me slowly.

“… Your hair, it got longer.”

The hair illuminated in the moonlight tickled the back of my hand.

“Ah. Maybe it was a side effect.”

I noticed a strange difference from before.

“How are you feeling now?”

Not only did his hair grow long enough to cover his chest, his slender body had grown a little firmer to the touch and his gaze had grown a little deeper. With his face shrouded in more shadows, his gaze as he stared at me looked as lethal as a hydrangea blooming on a full moon night.

“You’re lighter than you were before.”

Amor clenched and unclenched his free hand.

“The poison that had been disrupting the circulation in my body had disappeared. Ingesting that medicine had taken all the divinity I had collected in my body while poisoned but my divinity will gather again.”

“Are you sure–Are you sure you’re all better now?”

My voice shook when I asked. He hugged my waist before whispering me comfort. Extremely ecstatically.

“Yes.”

I couldn’t say anything for a moment.

“I can’t believe it.”

He hugged my waist even tighter before burying his head into my shoulders. Ah, I was really happy for him but my extreme jubilance was rendering me speechless. My pupils were shaking beneath my eyelids.

“This is not a dream, the fact that you’ve really gotten better…”

“Believe it.”

It felt like if someone tapped me and told me to wake up from this dream, I would cry. The screams of these emotions that I never expected to feel could only be understood by those who had only experienced misfortune and were unfamiliar with happiness. As I was too used to the abyss, I didn’t know how to rejoice. He no longer looked like a man with his weaknesses in full display as he flashed a relaxed smile.

“Is it because of the nectar that you look even prettier to me now?”

I smirked.

“No. It’s just that you’ve fallen that deep for me.”

I caressed his cheek which prompted him to willingly lean into my palm and close his eyes. Feeling tears streaking my cheek, I smiled brightly. His pretty curled eyes, his pale yet lively cheeks, his firm shoulders and arms that were wrapped around me. I looked up to confirm once again that this was not a dream to find that he had yet to take his eyes off me. At the sight of his relaxed expression, I closed my eyes. Damn it, Amor groaned before hurriedly grabbing onto me.

“… Amor.”

I spoke with a sigh.

“Please wake me up.”

I willed myself not to fall asleep. My fingers trembled as they grabbed onto him.

“I can’t sleep now… If I do…”

But as if intent on betraying me, my eyelids fell helplessly.

“I can’t… Dane is coming…”

“… I’ll wake you up when he comes. You can close your eyes for just a few hours.”

“But…”

It’s alright. He muttered sweetly. I thought he said more but all I heard was mumbling. Perhaps it was because I was so relieved.

“Sleep a little.”

I sank into his arms.

***

“Isn’t this pattern getting too boring?”

I mumbled as I stared into the dark space that I was used to seeing. It didn’t feel the least bit unfamiliar. Where was this? I was asleep so I should be in a dream.

I couldn’t see anything but dark space. I just thought that it was a strange dream before striding ahead. As if responding to me, the edges of the space shattered into black cubic pieces, forcing me to stand in one spot.

The woman sitting at the base of a blackened tree turned to face me slowly.

–Hello.

The woman who had faded golden hair that reminded me of rye and bright purple eyes as if amethysts had been embedded into her face waved her slender arms. Extremely animatedly.

–Ashley.

The woman curled her eyes slowly. I frowned at the sight of her familiar figure. There was no way. With the exception of Rebecca and Rusbella, I had never seen such a beautiful woman before. I shook my head.

She might have the same features but everything else was different. To start, she was very tall, looked mature and was beautiful. Most notably, her cheeks were clean of any scars.

“You’re the diary, aren’t you?”

Would I get a reply? Whenever I asked her this, she would always avoid answering me or forcibly wake me up from my dreams of her. But for some reason, she didn’t react the same way.

–The diary is nice. It sounds like a nickname.

Instead of hearing her voice ringing in my head as if she was using telepathy, the woman opened her mouth before speaking. For a moment, I had a feeling that I had heard her voice before that sense of deja vu disappeared. Because I couldn’t put my finger on it.

–Is it because you had absorbed Amor Noche’s divinity a little while ago? You’re filled with energy.

She muttered before staring off into the air. Her gentle gaze turned this way. Even her every blink looked beautiful.

–Ashley, you have divinity, the qualifications and the people.

Instead of trying to pinpoint where I had heard her soft voice before, I stared at her and asked.

“Who are you?”

She shifted her purple eyes before tilting her head slowly.

–I am an abandoned one. A fragment, a piece of despair. I have no name.

Unlike her previously enigmatic appearance, her eyes looked childlike and innocent. When her eyes turned to me, they openly expressed affection for me.

“I’m not curious what your name is.”

She smiled a little forlornly.

–I see that you hate me.

After saying that, she lowered her gaze before blinking even more woefully.

–Well, it doesn’t matter. Ashley. What do you think I am?

“Just a diary…”

I took a step back. All because she had jumped up and approached me.

–Am I simply just a diary?

But with her narrowing the distance between us again, we remained close to each other.

–Then, why do I look like you?

“What? What do you mean we look the same, you–”

–What about this?

In a blink of an eye, a teenage girl who was as tall as me and had the same face as me smiled towards me. I frowned slightly.

“We are the same.”

–No, we’re different.

The only difference now was that her cheeks were clean of scars. She lifted her hand and pointed a finger to my cheek as if she noticed it too.

–If we were the same, why is there no scar on my cheek?

“… If you had the ability to transform, you could imitate my appearance.”

–Puhaha. What, transform? You’re wrong. This is the only appearance I have

Perhaps it was because I had never smiled that brightly before. Her smile was soon dyed in bitterness.

–Ashley, I have given you hints every time you come here.

“What hints have you given?”

Recalling the dreams I had of her before, I remembered seeing Castor when I had part of my memories erased, her taking my appearance and showing me my most recent transmigrations… I turned my head slowly.

“Now, it’s my turn to guess. You told me to guess. So, there’s nothing I can do but to guess.”

Her wavy blonde hair was then helplessly dyed black as it was replaced by thin fragile hair. Her round eyes turned narrow and her skin tone turned yellow. I was reminded of someone.

“Ahn?”

That was the appearance I had changed into after taking that medicine so long ago.

–The answer is…

With ‘Ahn’s’ appearance, she smiled widely.

–Once you realise it, you’ll awaken. We’ll see each other again.

She added that this was the final key before dissipating into orbs of light with a bright smile. What did she mean? When I reached out to her, a gust of wind blew towards me. It was so strong it was preventing me from getting close.

– … It’ll be alright.

When my eyes shot open, I faced a white ceiling.