Don’t Concern Yourself With That Book

“That’s…”

Where did his gaze that was as feisty as a wildcat’s go? It would be impossible for me to lie any further in front of his droopy gaze.

“…Shy.”

“What?”

“It’s because I was shy!”

With the hand that was not held by Amor, I massaged my forehead. Slightly averting my gaze, I spoke clearly. I was not the type to gloss over what I had already spoken.

“That was the first time I had ever heard you speak like that and the first time I’ve seen that smile, how could I be happy? Did you even see yourself! I too find myself strange to even bother about this. Even at this moment, what’s most important to me is your life. I feel like an idiot for caring about something as meaningless as this.”

“…..”

“It took me a while to realise my emotions since I had been so overwhelmed by them. That’s why it took me so long to realise my feelings for you. Actually, I still am not sure if these feelings I have for you is love.”

I slowly touched my chest.

“Whenever I see you, my lifeless heart tickles. I laugh whenever I’m with you and I want you to be able to leave your palace and smile at as many things as you can. I want you to live a long life.”

As soon as I said that, I stared right back at Amor.

“I think I’ll feel happy for you even if you end up loving someone else.”

“… What?”

“Of course… it might be a little hard in the beginning.”

No, to be exact, it would be extremely hard for me.

“Who’s going to end up loving who?”

“I mean–”

“Are you saying I would fall in love with someone other than you?”

Staring back at his stiffened expression, I muttered under my breath.

“I mean…”

For a strange reason, I felt relieved seeing his frosty expression. I tried not to falter in my expression before forcing myself to speak.

“After seeing you be so sweet to her, I thought you had developed a crush on Rusbella, Amor.”

“…..”

“… Don’t look at me like that.”

I also feel embarrassed for thinking like that. I added with a sigh.

“Why were you acting like that?”

“… Because she’s your friend.”

Amor murmured softly.

“Since she was your friend, I wanted to show her respect… and give off a good impression.”

“… Why do you want to get brownie points from Rusbella?”

“Brownie points?”

I shook my head at the sight of how Amor had his eyebrows slightly furrowed and his head marginally tilted. Just when I thought that it was dangerous for me to think he looked cute even during this moment.

“What’s with that fox? You’ve never shown me that before.”

“No, it’s just a materialisation of my divinity…”

“You mean something like Hernan’s bird? Then, why would you show that to someone you’ve only met for the first time?”

“…..”

“… Sorry.”

His expression was unchanged as he remained confused by what I was nitpicking about. Actually, even though I was acting aloof, I was embarrassed by how I was acting as well. I never knew I could still be this childish. I must be letting off the emotions that had been building up within me.

Everyone I had dated in my previous life had just been casual passing encounters. We would meet casually and continue to maintain friendly relations but we would never end up close enough to term ourselves as lovers or anything grand like that.

That was how I had been reincarnated as someone ignorant of love and after suffering through my deaths, feelings had collected inside me. I thought the feeling which I could not ascertain was happiness or sadness that tickled my heart was a luxury for me.

At least that was how I was used to think. All I had in the past was hatred and I had been filled with it. But did I still think that way? My hatred for Castor had never disappeared but it was clear that that ticklish feeling was now occupying a part of my heart.

“I’m happy to know that the person you love is me. Because I like you very much too.”

Since I was already so embarrassed, I thought I should just let everything off my chest but his reaction was more dramatic than I thought it would be. That was why people warned not to create any shameful memories for yourself. Not long after covering my face, my hands were gently pulled away.

“Could you… could you say that again?”

I thought he could be laughing and teasing me for sure but he was now looking at me desperately. I shuffled backwards. But I soon felt my back against the hard wall.

“Again.”

He pressed his lips on my temple.

“Amor. Hold on.”

I closed my eyes at his awkward kiss. HIs lips were hot to the touch but I couldn’t push him away unless he let me go. I let him search for my lips clumsily as I held his wandering hands. During the kiss, Amor kept eating into me. When I ended up falling, I found myself looking up at him.

“I’ll live.”

With the reddening cheeks under his eyes, he let out a long breath that left me giddy through its refreshing scent.

“For a long long time.”

When I opened my eyes again. I was forced to widen them.

“The moment I fell in love with you, I found the determination to live.”

We were definitely at a distance from the source of moonlight but I averted my gaze from the elated smile that was blinding my eyes. He was making me too lethally giddy today. No matter how sick he was, wasn’t this too much?

“… Hurry and take your medicine.”

He grinned like a child who had finally found his way home. He looked absolutely ecstatic.

“Are you going to feed it to me?”

Amor looked down at me before smiling languidly.

As he swept through his messy hair, he narrowed his eyes before deepening his smile. His usual feistiness was nowhere to be found.

“Stop nagging and hurry and drink it.”

I pushed him away and fetched the nectar.

“Whatever you want.”

He accepted the medicine with a guffaw. He then added lowly.

“Rosé.”

When I met his gaze, I sneakily avoided it as I felt my cheeks reddening. Amor continued.

“If you desire it, I will gladly give my life.”

“What are you saying… You cannot die. I mean, I don’t even want you to.”

I could slightly understand what he was feeling but I would prefer if he didn’t say such scary things. I muttered to myself softly but he hugged me and whispered his apologies. I didn’t make it obvious but I was getting a strange feeling. He was a proud man who would rather leave than apologise. But when did he change? Now, he was staring at me as coyly as that white fox.

“Ashley, let me tell you something.”

Amor lifted the medicine before speaking softly.

“If I take this medicine, it’ll hurt for a while. I would be suffering.”

“Ah…”

After being told not to be surprised, I gave a heavy nod. Amor glanced at me and hesitated before soon swallowing the nectar. For moments after the golden liquid disappeared into his mouth, he remained silent for a while.

“Amor!”

He suddenly let out a groan. As he folded himself in half, I struggled to help him hurriedly but he lifted the palm of his hand as if to show me that he was alright.

“Leave me…”

“Huh?”

For a moment I thought I felt a gust of wind blowing from his direction but in an instant, a huge amount of energy exploded around us to create a storm. Under this dizzying atmosphere, I knew without much difficulty that this was divinity.

“Damn, Ashley… Run.”

The divinity swirling around Amor drew me in without pause and just then, my vision darkened.

When I opened my eyes again, I found myself in a large hall. Upon first glance, I noticed a huge pillar in the centre of a huge cavity. This was a familiar Grecian style but this was the largest pillar I had ever seen. The dazzling white marble was embellished with gracefully arching waves with gods of each season carved alongside them. I glanced at the small child.

“Is this child the Head Templar of Plants?”

I scanned the child from head to toe before letting out an uninspired sigh. I twirled my aged and wrinkled hand and a mist of gold swirled around the trembling child once.

What power was this?

It did not take long for me to find out. I was currently looking through the eyes of an Heir of the Lords and as soon as that light penetrated the child, it was not hard for me to sense the divinity that filled me.

This immense power. It was as overwhelming as huge waterfalls. No, I was sure. As old as I was, I could feel the strength of this child’s powers.

“Amor has an immense amount of divinity.”

When I turned, I could see the strands of my black hair flutter into my vision.

“The amount of divinity he possesses would easily overwhelm the current emperor. If we were to just talk about the amount of divinity he possesses, he would be second only to me.”

Castor, who looked much younger than he was now, smiled calmly. As he stood in the shadows under the stairs, he stared at me. I reached out my wrinkly hands as they hover in the air.

“If so, are you asking me to kill him?”

“…..”

Castor gave a slight smile.

“If I kill him, you wouldn’t be able to handle that with your strength alone, father. If you release the curse that is currently binding me, you would be able to consume his divinity but you wouldn’t do that, would you? If you do, I would be free to kill you, Father.”

Even with the boy’s gentle smile, I felt rage roaring within me at his words. The fury I was unable to suppress caused my hands to tremble. This was not my anger but I guessed that it was probably the owner of this body’s.

“Don’t kill him. Imprison him.”

Soon after, a growl broke out of my lips as it reverberated through the space.

“If you kill him slowly, he can remain useful even as a corpse.”

Everyone thought that the child had just fainted but I noticed his quivering eyelids. The collapsed child and Castor. Castor and the man he called his father. Not much time had passed but it was enough for me to determine what was going on.

The child was merely pretending to be dead while acting like he had collapsed. Castor carried Amor on his back. As he distanced himself from me, my vision gradually blurred.

When I opened my eyes again, I found myself in a dazzling white space.

Like graphics on a PC slowly becoming clearer pixel by pixel, I found myself in a room filled with plants.

“Why did you save me?”

Amor was trembling pitifully. The black-haired boy stretched his hand out to the child. But when Amor pressed his eyes shut in response, he retracted his hand. He then smiled brightly.

“To let the decision to die be up to you.”

When Amor slowly opened his eyes, he found Castor staring back at him with his expression unchanged.

“Do you want to live?”

With his face filled with fear, Amor nodded. He was trembling but he steeled himself as Castor stroked his head.

“Amor, you are the strongest templar in the Empire after me.”

“…..”

The deep golden eyes directed towards Amor languidly closed.

“But you cannot kill me either.”

The smile on his face looked lifeless.

“Tell me when you would like to die.”

He was smiling but he looked dead.

“Whether you’d like to die without pain. Or live in pain.”

On the face I had seen countless times before. I knew that expression. It was the terrifying expression I would face each time I see my reflection in the mirror and the pond.